poundering

And a lesson learned at a time apropos
That to be content one must fall and grow.
…

I having sociology test tomorrow. revisions are not done yet.
in fact, I haven’t even started my revision. I couldn’t concentrate.
My life is a complete utter mess now.

I am alone, I am unwanted, I am unloved.
Things can never be any greater than this.

Met him. and i thought he is my prince charming and thought that my fairytale love story has just came true. Slowly became who I am not just to please him. Likes whatever he likes, into whatever he’s into. Don’t even know what I truly want. Dream is always the warmest, sweetest and brightest things ever. Everything seems to be so fine. The moment that horrid the most is when you got up from your dream. & That’s when I got my heart broken once and once again by the same one. I realize I got to leave. Start things all over again. I always thought I am strong enough. Thought of the time we kissed, the sorrow entraps me. Though things kept changing, but it doesn’t mean that it never be like this before. Maybe. it’s just too good to be true. I am still trying hard to bandage the wound of my broken heart. Meanwhile, I realize my friend got hurt. She is the one that made me thought that there’s still sweet and pure love. But, things no longer the same. It makes me fear, realize that love is nothing but, suicide.

“Cinderella brokes her glass heels and the prince failed to find her and married another young lady.” This is how it should be in the reality. anyone can just replace you. you are not anyone special. so grosteque.

Perhaps, love is not my thing.
I thought it’s ok, because I still have awesome friends with me.

but things weren’t like what I thought.

A, is too busy with exams and her boyfriend. I couldn’t blame her for that, I guess. It’s understandable to stick with the one you love 24/7, moreover, he will be leaving next year. Ten years friendship isn’t that fragile, whenever I need her, she still will be there. & she will never abandon me. Just, we seldom talk anymore. Remember that we used to talk for hours bout nothing. I miss it real much. I felt being casted away now cause our friendship have already lost the sparks.

B, she is pretty and hot. She is a magnet to guys. *I never get jealous over my gfs. I knew they are much better than me. & I have always feel proud about it* but yesterday, it was the first time I got so jealous. Jealous of why I got to live without everything she has. If only I were her, I wouldn’t get neglected. Worst come to worst, she ditches me. I thought friend doesn’t abandone friend? aren’t we best friend? why would you ditch me for someone you know for less than a week? I felt nothing, but disappointment.

C, she just finish her SPM. and she gonna fly. I will be damm busy with my assignments. I couldn’t hang out much with her. I am so afraid that our friendship going to fade away. please tell me, that it will never happen.

Or these are all reflections of me myself.
Could it be everytime I blame others,
It was me myself that I should scorned.


All these emotional thoughts flood my mind, I cried,
in his car, on the way back from ss2.
Thought of me being unwanted and unloved jerk the urge of my tears to fall. So pathetic.

I am having my sociology paper tomorrow and yet I am in such a condition.
I am so stressed-up. I want to concentrate. I want to score with flying colors. sigh.

just, GOD bless me.

i was later on a little delighted by these chocs.
thanks, friend.