ill-tempered

I miss the one I used to be too.

…..

Love is in the air, I miss the one I used to be too.
everyone is in love EXCEPT for me. Shinyee and so cute together with keryi. Adele is in her sweet love life with jeffrey. Monwei is so pampered by her boy. and the not forgetting the perfect match michelle and joel.

Talking bout the perfect match, do you still remembering how close we used to be? I knew exactly what you are thinking and you knew what’s in mind needless me telling you. I was so strongly objecting when you and him getting together, cause I am scared to lose both of you, my closest friends. You told me things will still be the same, you will still love me as much as you used to do. But seems like the nightmare had came, we have no more common topics and about him, I AM NOT CLOSE TO HIM AT ALL now. damm it. however, I know you still care bout me alot, more than anyone else. get mad bout my photoshoot? I am sorry. I knew it’s my fault this time for not thinking of the consequences that I have to face after posting up those and for making you so worry. I had clear things up & There’s no next time I promise, ILY, still.

yea, fucking consequences I have to face now. but can you fucking people don’t go spam my friends and family’s page? what is it to feel ashamed of? It’s a proper photoshooting session. It’s just my mistake for posting it up. I apologize for my mistake. leave me in peace.

Besides, I am very moody today. I thought I had get over him and had get a new life. Everything seems to be so fine till when I saw him again, I realize things are still the same. Not even a little fade off. Reminisced about the awesome moment we used to have, I knew I still can’t let go. my heart beating extremely fast on the second he appear in front of me. Telling myself, he’s a trash, I deserve a better one. yet, it’s pointless, in my heart I was blaming my friend when didn’t she tell me he’s coming. & when his name appears in my inbox, I actually jump with joy on my bed. thanks God, he will never know, I am a good actress with oscar award, wtf. I seriously need a breakthrough, or maybe, more time. Let the missing get lesser eventually, and hopefully everything is going to fade with the time.

to the other man in my life, it’s unfair. yea, things are never fair though. I was trying hard to get back the feelings i used to have with you in order to get over him. but things do not seems to go so well. I am comparing you and him all the while. I don’t know why the heck am I doing this. You are so much better than him in all aspects, what the hell am I still thinking and uncertain about? I don’t know. I want to get through all these shit, will you held my hand and get me through? I doubt that. Everyone is selfish, that’s human nature. so, fuck it. boy, I need to catch a breath now.

I couldn’t explain why my mood swing so easily. All i know is I have to stop my fucked up fairytale, prince charming and princess princesses dream. It never exist. never! Everything is just a dream and I have to walk up now to continue my journey.And when I am effin down, I hang out with my friends, and it helps 90% of the time. Shin always calm me down. Adele always crack out lame jokes and be by my side to help me get through everything. Mon always offer me hugs. and there’s always michelle with her concern. and many more that I couldn’t list all out. I appreciate all my friends and I am glad to have you people.

college life is too busy, it disallowed me to have even a little free time to think of others things, so many assignments and and exams coming on. and yes, I really start to love my classmates and those at my college, start to see how wonderful those people are. I had been too bitchy to hate them and thought I will never mixed with “those” type of people. Things are totally opposite now, I actually like them pretty much. Like how they being straight forward, love the gossips with them, and adore their lame-mess which most of the time made me laugh like crazy. I appreciate them for filling up color in my college life. thanks people.

I am so wrong and mess’d up now.
I need a new life.

Second serenade – FALL for you
* a wrong song for this moment! *

XOXO